Hardest part of my healing: Perfectionism
It’s not that serious :)
I believe, in your healing journey, there will be one or more engraved destructive belief patterns that stick around longer than the others and are harder to heal through.
For me it was/is Perfectionism.
From how I looked in the past and present, to every little mistake I have ever made.
I was unable to give myself the grace to be simply human. And I fall back into that pattern every now and then (although it’s happening less and less as I heal on).
Perfectionism can be very sneaky.
I used to tell myself:
“I just want to be the best version of myself!”
“I know I am better than this.”
“If I’m making a mistake then that means I have to try harder and be more mindful.”
As if I have any control over any of that :)
Sounds new?
Well, here’s the truth/alternative:
The best version of me is me trying to express and be my fullest self. It’s me being a beautiful kind soul AND a human.
I continue to grow and learn as it is in my nature, but I am no more or less for not doing or knowing “better”.
And making mistakes will forever be part of my journey. As it is for every human. So, why is making a mistake looked down upon?
Perhaps it goes more back to how hard and unforgiving we are towards ourselves. And as a result hold our human selves to a ridiculous, made-up, and unnecessary standard.
A standard that comes from hate and resentment, rather than love and nourishment.
The same thing that Perfectionism feeds off of. The same thing that makes us feel so miserable and in pain.
The biggest and hardest part of our healing journey is learning to love ourselves fully. All of our beautiful wise soul, all of the bits and pieces of our physical body, and all of the ways our humanness functions and lives in this world.
I have found that an easier way to make this happen is to not take life so seriously :)
I read a quote on the internet that said:
“I don’t think existence wants you to be serious. I have not seen a serious tree. I have not seen a serious bird. I have not seen a serious sunrise. I have not seen a serious starry night. It seems they are laughing in their own ways. We may not understand it, but there is a subtle feeling that the whole existence is a celebration.”
And I couldn’t agree more.
When I let go of the need to control anything, when I allowed myself to be, when I gave up being so serious…
That’s when I was able to truly live.
I believe we are alive to enjoy and explore and grow. And none of that is possible if we are gripping or running or building a wall.
So, one of my main goals in life is to “embarrass” myself, as many times as possible, in ways that create amazing stories to tell my grandchildren.